Who Wants to Be a Crab?

Know why you don't have to put a lid on a bucket of crabs you've caught? Because if one them starts to climb out of the bucket, the others reach up and pull it back down.

What a fascinating concept! Have you ever had a "crab" in your life? I know I've had my share! Somebody who does not want to see you succeed in anything--your marriage, your finances, your career, your education, etc. Whatever it is, they are deteremined to keep you in the bucket with them.

Think about and reflect on whether your enviorment, whether it is at work or in your personal life, is like a crab bucket. On a scale from one to ten, rate whether you feel like you are in a crab bucket. If it's a low number (not in a crab bucket), write down what others are doing to support you. Next time you are around that person acknowledge their support. You could also do this by sending a thank-you card, or something of the like. If it's a high number (being in the crab bucket), identify who or what it is that drags you down. Once you've completed your list, generate ideas that will start making a difference in your life. Beware! This may mean removing yourself from certain situations, or surrounding yourself with different, more positive people. Whatever changes need to be made, start small, that way you'll be more likely to stick with them.

Be sure to be honest with yourself. You may find out that YOU'RE the crab. OUCH! It might be that you are stuck in a rut, maybe you get bitter or jealous when someone else around you succeeds. If this is the case, try to identify areas where you are having problems and make a conscious effort to be more positive and supportive to those around you. Positivity is contagious, and, who knows, it may even circle back around to you. Remember, no one wants to be a crab (or live/work in a crab bucket)!

Feel free to share your comments or ideas with us. We'd love to hear from you!

It's Almost Resolution Time . . . Make A Commitment to Determine Your Personal Vision

Okay, I realize Christmas isn't even here yet, but the New Year will be here before we know it. Do you dread this time of year? Do you feel a little pressure to set some goals?


Goal setting is kind of a new thing for me, one I haven't given enough attention to in the past five years. I've always had goals and worked towards them, but I never committed them to paper. The goals I had were just simply part of the life plan- graduate high school, graduate junior college, get accepted to a University, graduate with a Bachelor's degree, get a job in my field, advance in my job.


I have always known the importance of having a goal and having something to work towards, but after graduating college I really didn't continue with regular long and short-term goal setting.


This past year, my employer has been focused on individual career development plans. It is an employee driven process that moves from annual evaluations to a career plan developed by each employee. This forced me to think about short term, mid-range, and long-range goals for myself.


This process prompted me to get a little more focused on not only my professional goals, but my personal goals too. What was the vision I had for myself in 5, 10, 15 years?

It was an intense process to begin with, but once I got some things jotted down on paper it started to get a little easier. I began by searching the web for some personal goal documents. Below is the format I used to make me analyze if the opportunities I was seeking lined up with my personal values.

Sources of Personal Fulfullment:

What is important to me in my life?

What do I really enjoy doing?

What brings me happiness?

What brings me a sense of accomplishment or mastery?

What are the things that I am most proud of having achieved?

What are the issues or causes that I care deeply about?

What could I see myself doing for the rest of my life?

Sources of Irritation and Blocking:

What am I tolerating?

What am I constantly procrastinating about?

What really drives me nuts?

How is life out of balance?

What keeps happening to me that I would rather avoid?

What are the recurring patterns in life that I need to change?

What bothers me most about other people and why?

Personal Strengths and Potential:

What are the things I can do at the good-to-excellent level?

What are the things that I am willing to learn to do at a good-to-excellent level?

Where is my depth of experience?

What are my strongest interests and passions?

What value do I bring to a relationship that tends to be unique?

Who do I know that I can team with to provide excellence in service to others?

What can I commit to and reliably maintain that commitment?

Personal Weaknesses and Vulnerabilities:

What would I like to stop doing or do as little as possible?

What are my blind spots- what mistakes do I seem to keep making over and over?

How do I sabotage my future possibilities?

How is the way I treat others keeping me from developing enduring and mutually productive relationships?

What don’t I seem to be able to understand about my life and its present course?

Personal Goals and Dreams:

What kind of a person would I like to become in three or four years?

How about in ten or fifteen years?

When I dream about who I might become, who is that?

What would I like to be known for?

What would I like to be remembered for?

What do I dream about contributing to the lives of others?

What successes are important for me?

Going through this exercise helped me determine my personal vision . . . pursuing purpose.

I want to be sure that throughout life I'm investing in activities and making choices that will have a positive and lasting impact.

What I discovered through this process is that I was doing a lot of things because other people wanted me to do them, but they weren't things I was passionate about. I have a passion about helping people discover their unique abilities and to feel a sense of value as a person. I have a passion for young girls and teens. I want them to have the self-confidence to stand strong in the midst of peer pressure. I desire to help them understand that the choices they make in life now will have an impact on their future. I want to share my faith with others, to help them understand there is so much more to life than obtaining wealth through possessions.

By determining the items that mattered to me, I am now focused on pursuing purpose. I'm getting more involved in our local Boys & Girls Club Teen Center to help facilitate a bi-weekly mentoring program with the teen girls. It is not an activity I am pursuing alone, members of my peer group are also participating.

Now that I've discovered the activities that I enjoy most, bring me the most fulfillment and determined my personal vision, setting goals isn't such a daunting task.

I encourage you to go through the self-assessment process. It will give you so much more clarity about where your time is going and if the activities in which you are currently engaged truly matter to you.

Once you've determined your vision, you'll probably also find it much easier to say "no" to opportunities that don't support it.

I challenge you to make a commitment to determine your personal vision and mission in January and resolve to pursue activities that support it throughout the coming year.

Females and Workplace Mentoring . . . Nurturers By Nature?

Months ago I read an article that talked about mentoring at work. It shared that men and women appear to have very different philosophies.

Throughout history, successful men have typically identified a young up-and-coming man and taught him the ropes, essentially preparing him to step into his position once he leaves. Now that the workplace is more gender balanced, men still tend to pick other men to mentor.

Women at the top, on the other hand, do not pick proteges to mentor. The typical mentality of successful women, as expressed in the article, was that they tend to take the stance "I had to work hard to get where I'm at and the women below me can do the same".

Is it just me or does it seem odd that women, who are suppose to be nurturers by nature, refuse to nurture other women to be successful in the workplace? While I know there are always exceptions to the rule, I can envision many of these successful women with this attitude.

Women with this philosophy are so consumed with themselves that they don't even begin to see how helping  and building positive relationships with other women will not only help the other person, but will greatly benefit them too.

The article went on to share that because so many women at the top have this negative philosphy toward mentoring, it has forced many women to develop unique mentoring opportunities to help themselves in their professional development. Many have formed peer groups with women from similar organizations so they can share their concerns and shortcomings and get advice, since they can't get it from people inside their organization.

I'm very blessed to work in a great organization in which people above me are very willing and open to help guide me and teach me, but when I read this article a few months ago, it really struck a chord with me. I've been fortunate to have a couple of fantastic mentors (both female and male) in my career, but I know that I'm sadly in the minority.

I believe in the philosophy that if someone has taken the time to give you tools to help you on your professional journey that the best gift you can give them in return is to do the same for someone else. After reading the article on mentoring, I was inspired to reach out to a few women in my community that were in the same demographic, but worked at different organizations. I wanted us to be able to share with one another the professional lessons we've learned, but also connect on a personal level as most of us all struggle with some of the same day-to-day issues.

This group has tried to meet once a month and has had some great discussions such as learning to deal with difficult personalities in the office, assertiveness, and developing personal visions. The neat thing that has grown out of this group is it has also resulted in giving back to the community through community service projects.

I'm curious to learn what your experience has been with women at the top? Have senior women executives you've encountered been nurturers?

What is your philosophy on mentoring someone below you?

Discover Your Inner Julia Sugarbaker . . . Be A Spitfire When It Matters

If you were a Designing Women fan then you recognized the reference in the title. Julia Sugarbaker was the elegant, classy, southern woman portrayed by actress Dixie Carter in the 90s television sitcom. Julia had the ability to speak her mind respectfully, but in a way that left no one questioning where she stood on a matter.

I grew up having strong, southern women around me who spoke their mind. As a child and teen, my need to speak my mind got me in trouble more times than I care to recall. However, I was always pretty good at knowing just how far to press and always in what settings it was acceptable.

My ability to be assertive and speak my mind didn't continue into early adulthood. I'm not quite sure what or how it was squashed, but it was. Maybe it was just moving into new territory and losing some of the self assurance I once had, but post college graduation and upon beginning my first professional job in my career field I became "Agreeable Annie". Okay so I just coined the term, but you get the point. I became the "yes girl". I did what I was told, didn't question authority and got my job done regardless of the personal sacrifices or turmoil it created.

I drifted along in this manner for the first year to year and a half and it almost had a devastating effect on my career.  It must have been evident that I wasn't loving life, because my boss took me to lunch one day just me and her (it had never happened before) and quizzed me on where I saw myself in the organization and wanted to know my level of commitment. You see, when you never speak your mind, you become invaluable and you feel invisible. It affects your morale and makes people question your commitment to the team.

It wasn't that I worked in an organization that didn't welcome employees sharing their thoughts, but I was simply unsure of what was acceptable based on my bottom-of-the-totem pole status. Due to the gregarious and extraverted personalities with which I worked, it was also pretty easy for me to simply remain silent.

However, it was clear after that lunch meeting that if I wanted to be successful and be considered for promotional opportunities I had to become an employee that brought value . . . and this I achieved by sharing my thoughts and opinions.

Because my personality was so different from those I worked with, I brought a much more introspective look at projects and their impacts. I looked through a very different set of glasses when approaching a project and in voicing that view it often made team members step back and evaluate a little more before pulling the trigger, not always, but often.

In sharing my opinions, and seeing they were often very valuable contributions, I not only gained back some of the self assurance I once had, but I also gained respect from my co-workers. They discovered I could think for myself and began to see me as a valuable member of the team. 

I'm so thankful I had this learning and development experience, because my ability to be assertive was critical at my next job. I never would have been able to survive the environment had a I not had the ability to defend my position on an issue or initiative. There were moments I had to channel Julia Sugarbaker and take a stance when it mattered. I cringe to think how that next job experience would have turned out had I not learned the importance of being assertive at my previous job.