The Infamous Phrase: I Don't Care What People Think

Ever received the "I don't care what people think" response from a friend or loved one. I have come to determine this statement is one of the most selfish, close-minded, and ignorant (meant in the most loving way) responses from an individual. I also believe it reveals a number of insecurities and lack of maturity on the part of the declarer.
While an individual may make the bold statement they "don't care" the reality is they better care and they better care a whole lot, because what people think can have a significant impact on the steps that will determine their success.

Whether a teenager or adult, mature individuals will base their perception of you on their observations of you, not on the gossip they hear from someone else or any ill supported conclusion they may draw. Certainly there will always be those lame people who make assumptions about you based on little to no knowledge or on the gossip they hear through the grapevine. These people you can't control and you shouldn't be worried about what they think because they're shallow and typically have little to no power to influence others.

The majority of the population, however, does have an incredible amount of power to help or hinder you in achieving your goals. In the real world, references hold a lot of weight with admissions officers at universities and with potential employers. If you're like me, upon reaching adulthood you're either required to seek acceptance at a higher learning institution or look for gainful employment, or as most of us had to do- both. Securing a good job with upward mobility and benefits or acceptance at a college can be exponentially harder to attain without strong references. If you've lived life up until this point with the notion that you don't care what people think, then you've likely made some choices that may not generate great referrals.

Another reason to "care" is due to our reliance on other individuals.  Maintaining relationships is essential to our daily existence. The co-workers, vendors, classmates, teachers, bosses, and friends we encounter each day all play a role in our lives. The interactions you have with these individuals can make your day positive or negative. While you may live in a delusional world in which you think you alone determine your success, in actuality we must rely on other people day-in and day-out. We work on projects with co-workers and classmates that can impact our educational and professional achievements.  Teachers and bosses have the power to help us progress or stop our advancement all together. Relationships can propel us forward if they are positive and based on mutual respect. Therefore, it should matter a whole lot what the people who interact and observe you on a daily basis think about you.

The mindset of not caring what people think can also stifle your ability to learn. If you're not willing to listen to another's perspective, then you will forever live in a very small world of your own ideas and thoughts. You'll have a very difficult time connecting with others and building valuable relationships.

Finally, the statement "I don't care " is incredibly selfish. Our actions don't just reflect upon us, they reflect upon our family, employers, friends, and organizations we're involved in. To flippantly declare you don't care what people think of you is to declare you have no respect for the people who raised you, the people who sign-off on your paycheck every week,  the people who have chosen to care about you, or the causes you say you care about.

There are plenty more reasons to care what people think, but I think I've touched on the highlights that have the greatest potential to either propel you forward or leave you stagnant.

If you're a person who regularly declares "you don't care" give the points in this blog a little thought, then try caring and see if you find life to be a little easier when you make smart choices based on the knowledge that people form their opinions about you based on your actions and behaviors. I'd love to hear what you discover.

What Do You WIsh You Could Have Told Your 18 year old self?

I recently had lunch with a friend who commented during our conversation that her 18 year old self would have been so disappointed with her 29 year old self. She has a great job and life, but it is a far cry from the exciting, jet-setting dreams she had as an 18 year old.

Her comment got me to thinking about what I wish I could have told myself now that I have a little perspective on life.

So here are some of my words of wisdom to my 18 year old self:

• Don't take life too seriously. Don't be so focused on your goals that you miss enjoying the journey it takes to get there.
• Learn all you can from those who have been there. They may not know everything there is to learn, but they know a lot more than you, so ask lots and lots of questions.
• There isn't a perfect roadmap for life. You don't get extra points for going the direct path versus the meandering one. Take an opportunity to explore and discover the world and cultures around you. No one says you have to graduate by xx time, get married by xx time, start a family by xx time.
• Faith does carry you when you can't walk. Don't take your relationship with Christ for granted. Cultivate it and share with others what God is doing in your life.
• Relationships matter. Work hard to develop them. Regardless of where life takes you, keep in touch with those friends, because they've been placed in your life for a reason. (In a few years a great technology called Facebook will take over the world and make keeping in touch much easier.)
• Remember that you are always representing more than yourself. You represent your family, you represent Christ, you represent your church and any other organization you've affiliated yourself with. Make sure your actions represent those people and organizations well.
• You have a lot of control in how people view you. Make smart choices so you are perceived with respect.
• Give others the benefit of a doubt, you never know what led them to where they are until you understand their story.

Those are just a few of the lessons I would share with my younger self. What would you share with your younger self?

The Blessing of A Godly Grandma

I'm been very blessed to still have my maternal grandmother on this earth. She is an amazing woman. Graceful. Stubborn. Opinionated. Loving. Forgiving. Wise. Patient.

She is the rock of the family. When one of her children or grandchildren needs sound advice, it is to grandma that we go. She'll listen and hear your heart, but tell you what you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. This is a rare quality to come by these days, even in family members. And if she observes a behavior or attitude she doesn't find becoming, well she'll pull you aside and let you know she doesn't approve. (There is a look that crosses her face and all of us grand kids recognize it as the sign that someone is going to get called to grandma's bedroom or the porch for a little heart-to-heart before they leave.)

I can tell you on many occasions my decisions have been made based on "what would grandma do or would this disappoint grandma". It has helped me make wise decisions and kept me out of many a  predicament.

I'm so thankful to have this strong woman in my life who embodies every biblical attribute of a Godly woman. I'm thankful for the example she has set for all of the women in my family.

So many of us don't have the opportunity to get to know our grandparents as adults. Grandma Speight is the only grandparent I've been blessed to know as an adult and I'm so thankful for this opportunity.  I love hearing grandma talk about her childhood, marriage and raising kids. She willingly shares the good, the bad, and the ugly. She's genuine. She doesn't aim to be perfect or pretend to be someone she's not. She cares deeply for her kids, grand kids, and great grand kids and her only concern is to see them love the Lord and live in a way that exalts Him.

Some of my most treasured memories have been made at Grandma and Pa's house. Family sings gathered around the piano. Picking buckets of blueberries with the excitement of grandma baking a cobbler when she got home from work only to have us grand kids eat nearly all of them before she made it home. Fishing. Picking vegetables in the garden. Sewing lessons. Receiving the best hugs and kisses. Eating peaches and milk.

I'm so thankful for the influence of Godly grandparents and I'm so very thankful He saw fit to give Opal Louise Speight to me. I love you grandma!

(Mama, Grandma, Me, Aubrey)