Stop Reacting and Be Proactive

As a busy woman have you ever had those moments when you dive head first into a big 'ole pity party? You're running around in circles doing everything for everyone (or so you feel) and you start telling yourself how unappreciated you are, how much you've given up for everyone else, and start ticking off all of the personal interests you once had but somehow allowed to fall by the wayside.

Sure everyone feels undervalued from time to time, but how can we place blame on someone else for putting ourselves on the backburner?

For most of us who are moms, wives and professional women we've had to develop some organizational skills to manage our schedules and keep life in some sort of organized state. We make shopping lists, organize household projects and keep multiple calendars. We know how to plan a family trip months, if not years, in advance, but for some reason when it comes to being disciplined in identifying and working towards goals that make us feel valued we've learned to play the martyr card rather than take charge of ourself.

So why don't we take the time to pursue our passions? Isn't it true that if we aren't addressing and taking care of our own needs it is really hard to properly care for the needs of others?

In an attempt at support and solidarity, we often encourage one another to "take a day for ourselves". For most of us, than translates to a shopping trip, mani/pedi day, or a day at the beach. These days certainly can be helpful for temporary sanity, but they really don't address the problem-- we're not taking the time to really focus on what we want to accomplish so we're not moving forward. After taking a day for ourself, we're simply right back to treading along in the day-to-day routine.

Today I ran across a website than I think can help each one of us stop reacting and be proactive about laying out our life plan-- identifying our personal goals and dreams and developing a plan to achieve them. Author, speaker and publisher Michael Hyatt has a fantastic website and blog with tons of resources for developing your life plan. You can even download his life plan book for free upon signing up for his newsletter. The book gives templates for developing your very own life plan. It is an easy read. I read it on my lunch hour. I highly encourage you to check out his website and the book at http://michaelhyatt.com/.

Let me know what you think once you've read the book. I've got some friends I'm going to challenge to develop a life plan of their own and some that I'm going to ask to hold me accountable for regularly reviewing, revising and most importantly working to achieve the life plan I develop.

Cozi App: The Mom Must Have

Alright ladies, I found such a fabulous tool that I had to share it. Whether you are a tech savvy gal or not, this is one application you will want to check out. Cozi is a household planner tool you do not want to be without. You can download the ipad app, smart phone app, or utilize your home computer to access this wonderful dashboard to keep you and your household on track.

What you'll find?

• Shared calendars where you and members of your household can add events. You can schedule automatic reminders to be sent to any member of your household in the form of a text message or email. (That's right the husband will not be able to forget he was suppose to pick up Johnny after practice.) Each family member gets a color code so you can easily see and account for each individual's activities.
• Shared to do lists, personal to-do lists
• Grocery lists
• Meal planning resources
• Coupons
• Recipes
• All kinds of checklists that are helpful to make sure you've addressed all the necessaries
• Cleaning schedules to help you keep your household in tip top shape and in a cleanly state (Mom- the FlyLady Schedules are all on there.)

Alright, what are you waiting for? Go download the Cozi app or access it on your computer. I'm telling you it is fabulous . . . and did I mention that it is FREE!

The Infamous Phrase: I Don't Care What People Think

Ever received the "I don't care what people think" response from a friend or loved one. I have come to determine this statement is one of the most selfish, close-minded, and ignorant (meant in the most loving way) responses from an individual. I also believe it reveals a number of insecurities and lack of maturity on the part of the declarer.
While an individual may make the bold statement they "don't care" the reality is they better care and they better care a whole lot, because what people think can have a significant impact on the steps that will determine their success.

Whether a teenager or adult, mature individuals will base their perception of you on their observations of you, not on the gossip they hear from someone else or any ill supported conclusion they may draw. Certainly there will always be those lame people who make assumptions about you based on little to no knowledge or on the gossip they hear through the grapevine. These people you can't control and you shouldn't be worried about what they think because they're shallow and typically have little to no power to influence others.

The majority of the population, however, does have an incredible amount of power to help or hinder you in achieving your goals. In the real world, references hold a lot of weight with admissions officers at universities and with potential employers. If you're like me, upon reaching adulthood you're either required to seek acceptance at a higher learning institution or look for gainful employment, or as most of us had to do- both. Securing a good job with upward mobility and benefits or acceptance at a college can be exponentially harder to attain without strong references. If you've lived life up until this point with the notion that you don't care what people think, then you've likely made some choices that may not generate great referrals.

Another reason to "care" is due to our reliance on other individuals.  Maintaining relationships is essential to our daily existence. The co-workers, vendors, classmates, teachers, bosses, and friends we encounter each day all play a role in our lives. The interactions you have with these individuals can make your day positive or negative. While you may live in a delusional world in which you think you alone determine your success, in actuality we must rely on other people day-in and day-out. We work on projects with co-workers and classmates that can impact our educational and professional achievements.  Teachers and bosses have the power to help us progress or stop our advancement all together. Relationships can propel us forward if they are positive and based on mutual respect. Therefore, it should matter a whole lot what the people who interact and observe you on a daily basis think about you.

The mindset of not caring what people think can also stifle your ability to learn. If you're not willing to listen to another's perspective, then you will forever live in a very small world of your own ideas and thoughts. You'll have a very difficult time connecting with others and building valuable relationships.

Finally, the statement "I don't care " is incredibly selfish. Our actions don't just reflect upon us, they reflect upon our family, employers, friends, and organizations we're involved in. To flippantly declare you don't care what people think of you is to declare you have no respect for the people who raised you, the people who sign-off on your paycheck every week,  the people who have chosen to care about you, or the causes you say you care about.

There are plenty more reasons to care what people think, but I think I've touched on the highlights that have the greatest potential to either propel you forward or leave you stagnant.

If you're a person who regularly declares "you don't care" give the points in this blog a little thought, then try caring and see if you find life to be a little easier when you make smart choices based on the knowledge that people form their opinions about you based on your actions and behaviors. I'd love to hear what you discover.

What Do You WIsh You Could Have Told Your 18 year old self?

I recently had lunch with a friend who commented during our conversation that her 18 year old self would have been so disappointed with her 29 year old self. She has a great job and life, but it is a far cry from the exciting, jet-setting dreams she had as an 18 year old.

Her comment got me to thinking about what I wish I could have told myself now that I have a little perspective on life.

So here are some of my words of wisdom to my 18 year old self:

• Don't take life too seriously. Don't be so focused on your goals that you miss enjoying the journey it takes to get there.
• Learn all you can from those who have been there. They may not know everything there is to learn, but they know a lot more than you, so ask lots and lots of questions.
• There isn't a perfect roadmap for life. You don't get extra points for going the direct path versus the meandering one. Take an opportunity to explore and discover the world and cultures around you. No one says you have to graduate by xx time, get married by xx time, start a family by xx time.
• Faith does carry you when you can't walk. Don't take your relationship with Christ for granted. Cultivate it and share with others what God is doing in your life.
• Relationships matter. Work hard to develop them. Regardless of where life takes you, keep in touch with those friends, because they've been placed in your life for a reason. (In a few years a great technology called Facebook will take over the world and make keeping in touch much easier.)
• Remember that you are always representing more than yourself. You represent your family, you represent Christ, you represent your church and any other organization you've affiliated yourself with. Make sure your actions represent those people and organizations well.
• You have a lot of control in how people view you. Make smart choices so you are perceived with respect.
• Give others the benefit of a doubt, you never know what led them to where they are until you understand their story.

Those are just a few of the lessons I would share with my younger self. What would you share with your younger self?

The Blessing of A Godly Grandma

I'm been very blessed to still have my maternal grandmother on this earth. She is an amazing woman. Graceful. Stubborn. Opinionated. Loving. Forgiving. Wise. Patient.

She is the rock of the family. When one of her children or grandchildren needs sound advice, it is to grandma that we go. She'll listen and hear your heart, but tell you what you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. This is a rare quality to come by these days, even in family members. And if she observes a behavior or attitude she doesn't find becoming, well she'll pull you aside and let you know she doesn't approve. (There is a look that crosses her face and all of us grand kids recognize it as the sign that someone is going to get called to grandma's bedroom or the porch for a little heart-to-heart before they leave.)

I can tell you on many occasions my decisions have been made based on "what would grandma do or would this disappoint grandma". It has helped me make wise decisions and kept me out of many a  predicament.

I'm so thankful to have this strong woman in my life who embodies every biblical attribute of a Godly woman. I'm thankful for the example she has set for all of the women in my family.

So many of us don't have the opportunity to get to know our grandparents as adults. Grandma Speight is the only grandparent I've been blessed to know as an adult and I'm so thankful for this opportunity.  I love hearing grandma talk about her childhood, marriage and raising kids. She willingly shares the good, the bad, and the ugly. She's genuine. She doesn't aim to be perfect or pretend to be someone she's not. She cares deeply for her kids, grand kids, and great grand kids and her only concern is to see them love the Lord and live in a way that exalts Him.

Some of my most treasured memories have been made at Grandma and Pa's house. Family sings gathered around the piano. Picking buckets of blueberries with the excitement of grandma baking a cobbler when she got home from work only to have us grand kids eat nearly all of them before she made it home. Fishing. Picking vegetables in the garden. Sewing lessons. Receiving the best hugs and kisses. Eating peaches and milk.

I'm so thankful for the influence of Godly grandparents and I'm so very thankful He saw fit to give Opal Louise Speight to me. I love you grandma!

(Mama, Grandma, Me, Aubrey)

The Dream Giver- How Do You Know If It's Your Dream or God's Dream?

Today we had a guest pastor who spoke on the "Process of A Dream". It was a message I needed to hear and I figured there were others who might find this message very timely so I wanted to share some of the main points.

We've probably all questioned at one point or another if the dream in our heart is what God has placed there or one we have created ourself. Below is what Pastor Steve Robinson shared:
1.) God is the dream giver. The one way to tell if it is your dream or God's dream is if the dream is something you cannot achieve in your own ability and strength, then it is a God-given dream. God's dreams are always so much bigger than anything we can imagine for ourselves and his dreams require us to be equipped by him to fulfill it.
Gen 15: 4 - 5  -- God gave Abram the dream of an heir from his own body. At the time, Abram was 75 and his wife Sarai was 65. If Sarai was to conceive, it could only happen by God.

2.) Delays are always inevitable. (This is the stage where many dreams are derailed.)
Gen 16: 1 - 5 -- Approximately ten years had passed since God gave Abram the dream of an heir. Sarai and Abram weren't patient in waiting on the Lord to fulfill their dream. Sarai didn't believe that God could give her a child, so she encouraged  Abram to lay with Hagar. When Hagar conceived, Sarai had a hardened heart towards her.  (We often take matters into our own hands rather than waiting on the Lord to fulfill the dreams. The time between the dream being planted and the dream being fulfilled is character development. God is using this time to grow us and prepare us. )

3.) God's timing is perfect.
Gen 21: 1- 2 -- "Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him."


Hebrews 6:12 -- "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."

Sarah and Abraham's actions demonstrate exactly what we often do in life. We ask God to give us his dream. We plead that if we he'll simply share what he wants us to do that we'll be satisfied in that knowledge. However, just like Sarah and Abraham we tend to get impatient and take matters into our own hands and often derail the dream, by not allowing God to fully equip us for his work.

However, just because a dream has been derailed for a time doesn't mean that God can't still equip and fulfill the dream or place another dream in our hearts.

I'll be honest . . . I know I'm guilty of trying to take matters into my own hands. I think I've derailed the dream God originally purposed in my heart to the point that I'm no longer sure of what it was. I'm praying for my heavenly father to place a dream in my heart. I pray that I practice faith and patience to allow God the time to equip me for his plan.

Mommy Guilt . . . How Do You Manage It?

I have no answers on this topic, but simply hope to open up the conversation and learn from more experienced moms about how they deal with mommy guilt. I'm a working mom, but I'm sure it affects those who are stay-at-home-moms, moms who work from home, and those like me who work outside the home.

Why is it that when my husband and I do something without Aubrey I feel mommy guilt?  I'm okay with dinner and a movie out, but when it comes to spending a full day away from her on a weekend or taking a weekend trip I feel incredibly guilty. I'm very fortunate that I have parents and in-laws who welcome the opportunity to care for my daughter for overnight stays, but having wonderful family members caring for her doesn't negate the mommy guilt that creeps up. 

I've had conversations with a couple of friends and know I'm not alone on experiencing mommy guilt. (Side note: Apparently daddy guilt is a syndrome that never hits my husband. I'm curious, does daddy guilt exist?)

A year ago, when my daughter was one, we went on a cruise as a family. Shea was not very excited about taking a toddler on the cruise, but I couldn't justify in my mind taking forty hours of leave from work and not spending them with her. We had a good time and Aubrey did pretty good, but it certainly wasn't the relaxing vacation we had prior to being parents. Of course, I think those days are simply over once you become a parent, because regardless of if she is with us or not, we're both thinking of her, checking in on her, etc. I still don't regret for one minute taking her. In fact, I think I would have had a hard time enjoying myself if we hadn't taken her with us.

However, I really want to get to the point that I don't feel guilty if I'm away from her. I know she benefits greatly from spending time with her grandparents and they throughly enjoy their time with her. I would also just like to enjoy a day with girlfriends from time to time without feeling selfish.

Shea and I are planning a weekend get away to Atlanta soon to attend a concert, take in a Brave's game and just do some other fun things in the area. The grandparents are splitting up the weekend between them to each have a turn to keep Aubrey for a day and night. I know she'll be in great hands, be wonderfully spoiled, and probably not miss us for a second, so I am determining to not let mommy guilt get me.

So to the experience moms I ask- does the mommy guilt dissipate with time or with more children? What did you find helped you keep your mommy guilt in check and allowed you to enjoy your time away from your kids?

Blessed Beyond Measure

I'm almost 32 and it seems here lately I'm constantly reminded how lovingly sheltered, protected, and blessed I have been in my life. This week I heard the stories of four teens, who although half my age, have lived so much in their short lives. They've been faced with situations adults often can't deal with and yet they experienced these issues at such early ages . . . death, hurt, betrayal, heartbreak, abandonment, physical abuse, emotional abuse and rape, but in each one of their lives they've overcome. They've overcome their circumstances, they've overcome the stigma of society, they've proved people wrong, and they've discovered that you are bigger than what you experience and that it is your attitude that determines your altitude.

I'll never understand why I have been spared the heartache that these teens have experienced, but I pray that I never loose sight of the how blessed I've been. I know I will never forget the life experiences shared by the teens I heard speak Monday night. Their stories have exponentially renewed my heart for reaching kids and teens. I'm so thankful that programs like the Boys & Girls Clubs of America exist in communities all around the world. I'm thankful there are staff at these centers each and every week day to help teens like the four I heard speak work through their circumstances, provide them hope, show them true love, and help them rise above their experiences.

If you don't know what the Boys & Girls Club is all about, I encourage you to take the time to stop by a Club in your community. Seek them out. Ask what the needs of their kids are . . . the needs are great and anything you can do to help will be appreciated.

Let's help change the futures of the kids in our communities . . . every child deserves to grow up protected and knowing love.

If you want to know about the organization changing the lives of kids along the Emerald Coast, please visit this link http://www.bgcec.com/.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Find An Opportunity to Make Their Day

Aubrey and I had to make a visit to the doctor today followed by a trip to the pharmacy for what appears to be a sinus infection trying to take root. We dropped her prescription off at the pharmacy and then I took her across the parking lot for some ice cream while we waited for the prescription to be filled.

When we walked back to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription there was a mother sitting in one of the two chairs with her six to seven year old son in her lap and in the only other chair was the lady's other son who looked to be nine or 10, neither of whom appeared to be sick and all three were decked out in their beach gear.

When I approached the counter, the technician said my prescription wasn't ready, but it would only take a minute for him to mix it, which he quickly set about doing. I was standing at the counter holding Aubrey (who was laying her head on my shoulder and it was very evident she wasn't feeling super) and thinking it sure would be nice if the lady would at least offer for her son to move so I could sit down, but no such luck.

About a minute later, I heard someone gasping for breath to my right. I turned to see an elderly gentleman with an oxygen tank struggling to breath.  It was obvious the trip into the store was just about all he could manage. I moved away from the counter to allow him to hold onto it. I looked to the lady and her children to my left certain she was going to have her son move to offer him a seat when about that time I heard an elderly woman ask the lady if she could please sit down. I watched the younger women look the elderly woman up and down and upon realizing she had a cast on one foot, she said "oh absolutely and shooed her son out of the chair."  The next words out of the younger woman's mouth was, "good grief, he sounds like he is about to fall right out" referring to the elderly gentleman struggling for breath, but never offering her seat to him!

I was about to have a Julia Sugarbaker moment, but thankfully the pharmacy technician (who looked equally appalled) quickly got the gentleman his prescriptions and on his way. 

That exchange just brought to mind how simple acts can have such an impact on another's life and usually require very little of us. The young woman could have easily stood up and offered her chair to the gentleman to allow him to catch his breath and compose himself. It would have been such a blessing for him in that moment, but she chose to let her comfort keep her right where she was.

How many times have you had an opportunity to help someone, but out of laziness or comfort chose not to make a move? I think we've all had some of those moments, but thankfully caring and observant people willing to respond also exist.

I remember a few months ago I was in the grocery store with Aubrey. I'd had a full day of work and was tired and had a cart full of groceries. Aubrey and I finally made it to the register and I started loading the groceries on the belt when Aubrey had a meltdown. She HAD to be held. I knew she was tired too so I was trying to hold her and place the groceries on the belt. The lady behind me said, "please let me do that for you, you just concentrate on that baby." I normally am so incredibly independent, but that day I was so very thankful for the help and gladly let her load the groceries for me. It was a simple act that didn't require a lot of effort on her part, but made such an impression on me that I'm writing about it months later.

There are opportunities all around us to make someone else's day, week, month, maybe even year, by simple, selfless acts that often require little effort on our part. Make it a point to go through life taking note and acting on those opportunities to bless another person rather than simply sitting and observing with out taking action . . . chances are you'll be impacted in ways you never imagined.

A Day of Inadequacy

1 Corinthians 2:1-5
And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom declaring to you the testimony of God. For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. (NKJV)

Ever have one of THOSE days. You know, when it seems you can’t do anything right. Sometimes it starts first thing in the morning as soon as you roll out of bed, you can tell it is going to be that kind of day. Other times you start off with the greatest of expectations for the day only to be met by frustration and feelings of inadequacy by lunch.  

I’ll be honest, I have those days, more regularly than I care to admit. My feelings of inadequacy are generally self-imposed. I don’t measure up to someone else (yeah, I know we’re not suppose to do that, but sometimes I fail) or I simply don’t reach the standard I’ve set for myself.

So how do we overcome these feelings of inadequacy that creep up from time to time? For me, it all goes back to the foundation of who I am, who I strive to be, and who I fail to be on a daily basis . . . a child of God.

Yes, I’m inadequate in many areas, but even in those areas, I can be equipped by God. You see, sometimes we get so caught up in what we can’t do that we forget there is someone who CAN do through us. And the beauty of it all is that by allowing Him to equip us in our areas of inadequacy He is receiving the glory and praise, not us.

So what does it take to allow God to equip you? Faith and obedience.  These two require regular practice and discipline. I'm certainly still trying to exercise these on a daily basis . . . some days are easier than others, but the great thing is God is there on the days we fail and the days we succeed. I'm so very thankful that I don't have to rely on my own abilities and that I always have my heavenly Father to see me through and lift me up on those days when I feel most inadequate.

The Pressure To Be Perfect In A World of Imperfection

A couple of ladies and I will be having a conversation later this week with teen girls at our local Boys & Girls Club Teen Center to discuss body image and media influence. The Education Coordinator sent me a couple of short videos she wanted to show the young ladies and boy are they powerful. I've included the links below.

Killing Us Softly
Photoshop Effect

These videos really made me start thinking about body image, how we allow other people to influence us and how we unknowingly pass our expectations onto our daughters and sons.

There are several layers of expectations: those we have for ourselves, the expectations of our significant others/friends/family, and the expectations society has forced upon us.

Take a moment to think about this, at what age do you remember first being self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit? For most women, the mention of bathing suit season elicits a feeling of disgust. We dread putting on a bathing suit and being around people who we know are going to judge the way we look. The figure flaws we can camouflage in our regular everyday clothing cannot be camouflaged in a bathing suit- they are there for the world to see.

Regardless of our size or shape, most of us have a flawed expectation of what we're suppose to look like. This image is only misconstrued more when we listen to society and people around us. Should we make an effort to be healthy? Absolutely! But, what we shouldn't do is allow someone else to tell us what is pretty, acceptable, perfect or healthy. We shouldn't compare ourselves to the person sitting in the adjacent office or our best friend or the current sex symbol society has deemed to be perfect.

Do you recall any specific conversations you've had with people that have shaped the expectations you've placed on yourself about how you are suppose to look? I can.

I once had a boss who shared with me that the director of the organization (a man) wanted to hire another candidate over me because she was prettier, but he couldn't get the hiring approved because the other candidate didn't have the education requirements. I tried to brush it off, but after observing how many comments this man publicly made about the appearances of people, I knew it was very likely to be true. The conversation I had in the interview, the credentials I had on paper, the recommendations I had from other professionals didn't have any weight. The reality is had there not been education requirements in the job description I wouldn't have been given the job. Talk about a blow to one's self-confidence. I struggled for sometime to to get over that and resented the boss who shared that with me. What compelled her to feel the need to share that information with me?

Sometimes it isn't society, but the people most close to us that can do the most damage to our self-image. For some reason, people who are close to us sometimes think they have the privilege of being allowed to tell us exactly what they think. Some of those people have done some major damage to the self-confidence of their loved ones and don't even realize it. What these people think are little jabs designed to "motivate" someone to get "healthy" is often continual salt poured on the wounds of people with an already distorted self-image.

Allowing others to tell us we're only valuable if we're this size or that shape or look this way and us buying into that philosophy has stolen away our self-worth. We no longer define ourselves by our academic achievements or professional or personal accomplishments, no, we let everything hinge on our appearance.

This mindset being created by all of the images in the media is creating a very scary culture. A friend recently shared with me that there are "pro-ana" sites that promote anorexia as a lifestyle! This is disturbing on so many levels. Women and men alike have died from this disease and there are people promoting it as the thing to do.

I think females are indeed very vulnerable to the images the media holds up as what a woman is suppose to look like, but the reality is the images also tell males what the "ideal" woman should look like. No wonder we ladies feel the pressure to look a certain way!

The real question we need to be asking ourselves is how do we change our own mindset and teach our daughters and sons to think differently?

How do we change the conversations we have with ourselves in the mirror? You know those conversations that our kids overhear us have as we get dressed in the morning and fret over the way we look in the pair of pants that have become a little too snug. The conversations we have as we try on bathing suits in the department store. The comments we make about the appearances of others.

We have to change our own mindsets before we can change the mindsets of others. So, what are you going to do to shift the mindset you have of your own self-image and the ideals you pass onto your children?

And the Wall Comes Crashing Down . . . How Do You Cope When Emotions Get the Best of You At Work?

We all have those days when we simply hit the wall and our limit has been reached. So what do you do when your resolve to not let them see you sweat (or worse cry) has been compromised?

I'm usually a very pulled together person. I can manage to keep my cool in most situations and wait until I'm alone to release my aggravation, frustration or disappointment. However, there are times when I've been caught off guard and despite my best efforts my wall has come crashing down.

In these situations, I don't loose my temper and say things I'll later regret, nope for me regardless of the emotion I'm feeling . . . anger, disappointment, frustration, defeat . . . it is my tears that I simply cannot control. When the tears surface, I have definitely reached my breaking point. Thankfully, I've only had a handful of moments at work where my wall has come crashing down, but I'd have much rather have had none! In fact when the tears surface, I get that much more frustrated with myself because I haven't been able to maintain my composure and I fear I'll be viewed as weak, incompetent, or fragile (especially by male co-workers & supervisors).

Over the years, I've learned to recognize when I'm close to my crashing point. It is usually pretty obvious to anyone who knows me and is the least bit perceptive. When the crash begins, I become incredibly introverted (even more so than my usual introverted self). I keep to myself, avoid interaction at all costs and plunge myself into a project. I take in very little around me and while I can appear to be listening to a conversation or presentation, I have a hard time processing anything and will have little to no reaction regardless of the information that has just been shared with me.

The reality is that at work, we are not afforded the luxury of pouting, throwing a fit, or having a meltdown. (Technically you CAN do any of these, but your professional reputation will forever be damaged.) Therefore, the only option is to be a trooper and get through the day. The meltdown or temper tantrum must wait for the car ride on the way home. So how do we get through the day when emotions continually try to take over?

Some things I've learned to do when I know I'm about to crash:

• Close my office door and take a few moments to process the situation free of distractions. This usually helps me view the situation from other points of view and not just my own. (If you don't have the luxury of an office door, go to the bathroom and try to compose yourself. You might want to take your make-up bag, just in case you need to touch up your face before heading back to your work station.)
• Take a short walk to clear my mind, even if it is just simply delivering a document to another office in the building.
• Vent to a trusted friend during lunch. 
• Distract myself with another task.
• Type out my frustrations just to get them out of my head and then delete the document.
• Take a Coke and candy bar break- chocolate and caffeine do help sometimes!
• Have a discussion with the other party. If the situation involves another individual, sit down with that person as soon as the emotions are in check to discuss the problem. It is easier to go ahead and deal with it than stew over it for days.

Now I know I'm not alone in my struggle to conquer workplace emotion, so I'd love to hear from you. How do your emotions surface?  What have you found helps you cope?

You May Label it Gossip, Someone Else May Label it Slander

There is a saying  . . . "Those who gossip with you will surely gossip about you."

Yes, we've all been guilty of it at one time or another. Knowing some interesting piece of information about someone else can sometimes just get the best of us. We think very little before passing the information on and in a split second we may have contributed to the heartache, pain or malicious slander of another.

When you hear the word gossip, do images of certain individuals pop up in your mind? Rarely do people think about the reputation they gain from being a gossip and the personal and professional damage they'll sustain from the reputation.

Those who have a reputation as a gossip will have a hard time gaining the trust of co-workers, leaders, and subordinates. Depending on the extent of their reptuation, it can also limit their ability to network in professional circles.

People have a fantastic ability to disguise gossip as concern, interest, and prayer requests. If a conversation contains any of the phrases below, a red flag should go up:

•  "She told me not to tell anyone, but I know you will keep it between us . . . " - if everyone who hears the news shares it with just one person, the news will be around town in no time

• "I have a hard time believing that [insert name here] would do something like that."- if it seems out of character then maybe you don't need to give merit to it by passing the information along, chances are it isn't the truth

• "Did you hear the latest about [insert name here]? Do you think it is true?" - True or not, you just planted the seed of possibility in another's mind. Depending upon the nature of the situation you may have just significantly hurt the reputation of the person you were gossiping about.

• "I know I can trust you not to say anything."

Those who have a reptuation as a gossip may feel some isolation. Once labeled a gossip, an individual will have a hard time finding a friend to go to lunch with, will receive few social invitations, and will find conversations with co-workers are limited to strictly business or superfluous weather discussions.

Give some thought to the information you choose to share with others. Even better, don't allow yourself to be in a position to hear gossip. Believe it or not, you can put a stop to gossip by calling people on it. If the information a person is about to share begins with some of the phrases above, stop the person before they share the information by telling them you'd rather not hear it. With a little repetition, you will find people no longer will seek you out to share information. It can be a beautiful thing!

Your Vocabulary Speaks Volumes . . . Think BEFORE You Speak or Type

(Warning: I'm climbing on my soapbox for this post.)

I am a communications major so word choice is something I tend to pay attention to. To me words are just as important as tone, it is not necessarily what you say but how you say it. Now, mind you, I'm not one of those that believes you have to use big words to communicate your thoughts, but I would prefer people start paying more attention to what their words communicate about them.

Lately, I've become purely disgusted with some of the word choices of people. Whether on Facebook or in a meeting or just in general conversation, I'm tired of people using words like "sucks", "pissed" and the like in everyday conversation and in professional settings no less. Yes, perhaps I'm old school at a ripe 31 years of age, but when did manners fly out the door?

There are a thousand words that can be used to communicate the same thoughts and feelings of the words in quotes above and allow the speaker to be perceived in a much more positive and respected manner. In case you're wondering, it is not okay to talk to your boss, co-workers or work associates like you would talk with your best friend. Some language is much too casual to be utilized in a work conversation or in your Facebook status (yes I went there).

I know Facebook is meant for you to interact with friends and contacts in a casual and relaxed setting, but keep in mind that when you post a status update you are sharing with the masses not just your best friend. Whether you accept it or not, people draw conclusions about you and make assumptions based on your posts. Make sure you are sharing your life with others in a way that makes others view you as smart, sensible, and respectable.

The words you choose to use communicates volumes. If you are one who regularly uses these words, I would encourage you to find some replacement words at least for when you are in a professional setting and posting for the entire world to see on Facebook.

Think of it in these terms, if you wouldn't use the words in a job interview then why use them in your open and public conversations?

Now that I've got that off my chest, I'll climb down off my soapbox.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Am I the only one who feels this way?

So I'll Never Be the Life of the Party . . . I'm Okay with that.

At one time or another we've all observed some other woman and secretly wished we were her. It happens to all of us. It's the "grass is greener" perspective. The typical things we tell ourselves . . . she is so pretty . . . everyone loves to be around her . . . she seems comfortable no matter who she is around . . . she just has it all together.

So is there any possibility you can one day be THAT woman? The answer is no. But you can achieve the self-assurance that woman has . . .  but how?

It seems that a large portion of  the self-assurance that is common among leaders comes from the acceptance and understanding each one has of his/her personal strengths and weaknesses.

 On many, many occasions I've admired the attributes of some other woman wishing I could somehow clone her ability to never meet a stranger, or bring humor to every situation, or just be so cool, calm and collected regardless of what comes her way. After years of longing to have the gifts of another, I think I'm finally coming to the point that I accept myself for who I am. I, like everyone else, have a combination of strengths and weaknesses.  As humans, we tend to focus on our shortcomings, so I'm thankful for those friends, family and co-workers who have helped me recognize my strengths over the years. There are still days when I doubt that I have any strengths. . . I think that is simply part of life, but I recognize I do excel in areas where others don't and vice versa.

One thing I've found has tremendously helped me to accept who I am is better understanding my personality type.  Here is a very short online sample personality profile.  (If you've never taken a personality profile, they can be eerily accurate.)

By understanding your natural tendencies, you realize why you react to situations the way you do, and it helps you better recognize the strengths and weaknesses of your personality type. It brings to light the areas you need to work on to overcome those personality tendencies.

(These personality profiles can also be incredibly helpful to better understand your co-workers.)
My personality profile (which I've taken three times and each time has been the same) was dead on accurate. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I'll never be the charismatic, super excitable, life of the party gal. It simply isn't in my personality make up as much as I wish it was. The great thing is, my success doesn't rely on that attribute. The personality profile, however, did make me realize that I absolutely have to do a better job of connecting with people. While getting lost in my own little world of tasks and to dos is what comes naturally, this attribute is something that could really hinder me in my career (and I'm sure to some degree already has). Thankfully, this is something I have the ability to work on and improve at.

The point is, by understanding where your base lines are, you know which areas come naturally and which areas might require a little more work. There will always be attributes we admire and never possess, but that is not to say that if we work hard enough we can't grow stronger in some of our weak areas. In the end, it will also help you gain more self-assurance.

Three Precious Little Words "I Love You"

Aubrey's vocabulary has exploded over the past few weeks. Everyday it seems she is learning new words and it is so fun to witness.

Tonight as I was bathing her I told her I loved her as I often do and without looking up or stopping her bathtime activity, she said, "I love you." While she was merely repeating what she heard and didn't understand what those words meant, hearing those words from my sweet little toddler for the first time was incredible. It melted my heart. I can't wait for those moments in the future when she'll grab my face unexpectedly, give me a kiss and tell me she loves me and truly understand what those words mean.

Aubrey repeating those three words tonight meant the world to me even though I knew she didn't know their meaning. Hearing those words from her made me start thinking about how often we say those words half-heartedly or with little thought to what they actually mean. Truth be told, those three little words can often be overused and yet sadly in so many households across the world underused. 

I think about those children who will never hear those powerful words from their parents or worse never feel loved by them. Three little words we sometimes take for granted, but hold such power when shared and equally hold power when withheld.

I'm very thankful to have parents who often told me and my siblings they loved us, but more importantly showed their love in their responses and actions towards us.

Three little words that make a person feel valued and genuinely important.

Take the time to share those three words with the people you love and be sure to give thought to the power and meaning of them.

Sticks & Stone Can Break Some Bones, But Words Can Break the Spirit

We've all done it, in a fit of anger, allowed hateful words to spew out of our mouths. You know those moments when we wish we could grab the words mid-air and shove them back in, but its too late, they've already reached the ears of the intended receiver.

It is usually only after moments when we've completely blown our tops that we think about the affects our words might have had on another. But what do your daily conversations, comments, and responses say about you and do they impact those around you in a positive or negative manner?

Think about those conversation flashbacks you have from time to time. They may have occurred years ago, but at the right moment they creep back up in your mind. Sometimes it is the conversation that you still get embarrassed over for the way you behaved. Other times it is the hurtful words of someone else directed at you that come to mind. Regardless of whether you were the deliverer or receiver of the harsh words, the fact is they were powerful enough to come to the surface years down the road. Usually, those memories also wash us in the same emotion as the day they were delivered.

Words have the power to break our spirit, but thankfully they also have the power to restore it. The question is are your daily words building up or breaking down the spirit of those around you?

Take a quick inventory of the conversations you had today. What did you say to your spouse, co-worker, boss, parent, friend, child? Would you have been embarrassed had someone else witnessed the exchange?

As you start your day tomorrow, make an effort to lift people up with your words. Remember your words have weight and the power to stick with the receiver for a lifetime.

Psalm 19:14 ESV 

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Eliminating Chaos In Your Life

Does anyone else out there get excited about getting organized? I'm a self-declared organization nerd.  I love drawer organizers, shelving systems, and the like. You might not be able to tell by looking at my garage or closet (or work desk) at the moment, but I drool at the closet organizing systems when I'm in home improvement stores. I can also get a little anal when my pantry gets out of sorts.

With the start of the new year, the organizing bug has kicked in. I'm all gung-ho about getting my house organized. First project,  . . .  the garage. I've been eyeing some shelving at Lowes's for a couple of months now, but knew I had to wait until football season concluded before I could get my husband on board with the project. (He doesn't get nearly as excited about home improvement projects as me.) I get pure giddy at the thought of getting the plastic tubs organized, labeled and placed neatly on the shelving unit. (Please note I already admitted earlier I'm a nerd.)

Because I know my fetish with organizing is not normal, I began thinking about exactly what it is about organization that brings me such joy. The answer, quite simply, is organization eliminates chaos. Think about it. When your closet is in order and you need that particular pair of cream pants, you can find them easily and it makes getting dressed for work a sinch. On the other hand, ever woke up late and scrambled to get ready when you have a closet of chaos? You find the pants and shirt you need, but you can't find the belt and you can only locate the right shoe of the pair that goes with the outfit. By the time you get to work, you are just daring someone to greet you with a cheerful "good morning".

So as a busy wife, mother, and professional, are there areas in your life where chaos elimination is long overdue? With the new year just getting started, now is the perfect time to conduct a chaos analysis.

My Personal Chaos Elimination
Since the birth of my daughter almost 18 months ago, I have found that I have to regularly do a chaos analysis. One area in particular that I've given a great deal of attention to has been my schedule. Because it is very important to me to spend as much time possible with my daughter in the evenings and on the weekends, I've had to take measures to eliminate some extracurricular activities that took my time and attention away from my family. As a result, I've learned it is okay to tell people "no" and found exercising the word is essential to keeping my stress level and mommy guilt to a minimum.

Eliminating chaos in my schedule has also required me to redefine my own expectations. I've learned that it is not the end of the world if the sink overflows with dishes from time to time. I've also found that when company comes over, it is okay to simply close the door to a room that is a little unkempt rather than kill myself to clean the house from top to bottom and lose the valuable play time I have with Aubrey.

What Chaos Can You Eliminate?
So with the the start of the new year, what steps can you take to eliminate the chaos and stress from your life? Is it as simple as picking out and ironing your clothes the night before to make your morning routine go a little smoother? Or will eliminating chaos require you to redefine the expectations you have for yourself or the expectations others have for you?

I'd love to hear how you've eliminated chaos in your life or what your goals are for stress elimination in 2011.

Happy New Year!