So I'll Never Be the Life of the Party . . . I'm Okay with that.

At one time or another we've all observed some other woman and secretly wished we were her. It happens to all of us. It's the "grass is greener" perspective. The typical things we tell ourselves . . . she is so pretty . . . everyone loves to be around her . . . she seems comfortable no matter who she is around . . . she just has it all together.

So is there any possibility you can one day be THAT woman? The answer is no. But you can achieve the self-assurance that woman has . . .  but how?

It seems that a large portion of  the self-assurance that is common among leaders comes from the acceptance and understanding each one has of his/her personal strengths and weaknesses.

 On many, many occasions I've admired the attributes of some other woman wishing I could somehow clone her ability to never meet a stranger, or bring humor to every situation, or just be so cool, calm and collected regardless of what comes her way. After years of longing to have the gifts of another, I think I'm finally coming to the point that I accept myself for who I am. I, like everyone else, have a combination of strengths and weaknesses.  As humans, we tend to focus on our shortcomings, so I'm thankful for those friends, family and co-workers who have helped me recognize my strengths over the years. There are still days when I doubt that I have any strengths. . . I think that is simply part of life, but I recognize I do excel in areas where others don't and vice versa.

One thing I've found has tremendously helped me to accept who I am is better understanding my personality type.  Here is a very short online sample personality profile.  (If you've never taken a personality profile, they can be eerily accurate.)

By understanding your natural tendencies, you realize why you react to situations the way you do, and it helps you better recognize the strengths and weaknesses of your personality type. It brings to light the areas you need to work on to overcome those personality tendencies.

(These personality profiles can also be incredibly helpful to better understand your co-workers.)
My personality profile (which I've taken three times and each time has been the same) was dead on accurate. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I'll never be the charismatic, super excitable, life of the party gal. It simply isn't in my personality make up as much as I wish it was. The great thing is, my success doesn't rely on that attribute. The personality profile, however, did make me realize that I absolutely have to do a better job of connecting with people. While getting lost in my own little world of tasks and to dos is what comes naturally, this attribute is something that could really hinder me in my career (and I'm sure to some degree already has). Thankfully, this is something I have the ability to work on and improve at.

The point is, by understanding where your base lines are, you know which areas come naturally and which areas might require a little more work. There will always be attributes we admire and never possess, but that is not to say that if we work hard enough we can't grow stronger in some of our weak areas. In the end, it will also help you gain more self-assurance.

Three Precious Little Words "I Love You"

Aubrey's vocabulary has exploded over the past few weeks. Everyday it seems she is learning new words and it is so fun to witness.

Tonight as I was bathing her I told her I loved her as I often do and without looking up or stopping her bathtime activity, she said, "I love you." While she was merely repeating what she heard and didn't understand what those words meant, hearing those words from my sweet little toddler for the first time was incredible. It melted my heart. I can't wait for those moments in the future when she'll grab my face unexpectedly, give me a kiss and tell me she loves me and truly understand what those words mean.

Aubrey repeating those three words tonight meant the world to me even though I knew she didn't know their meaning. Hearing those words from her made me start thinking about how often we say those words half-heartedly or with little thought to what they actually mean. Truth be told, those three little words can often be overused and yet sadly in so many households across the world underused. 

I think about those children who will never hear those powerful words from their parents or worse never feel loved by them. Three little words we sometimes take for granted, but hold such power when shared and equally hold power when withheld.

I'm very thankful to have parents who often told me and my siblings they loved us, but more importantly showed their love in their responses and actions towards us.

Three little words that make a person feel valued and genuinely important.

Take the time to share those three words with the people you love and be sure to give thought to the power and meaning of them.

Sticks & Stone Can Break Some Bones, But Words Can Break the Spirit

We've all done it, in a fit of anger, allowed hateful words to spew out of our mouths. You know those moments when we wish we could grab the words mid-air and shove them back in, but its too late, they've already reached the ears of the intended receiver.

It is usually only after moments when we've completely blown our tops that we think about the affects our words might have had on another. But what do your daily conversations, comments, and responses say about you and do they impact those around you in a positive or negative manner?

Think about those conversation flashbacks you have from time to time. They may have occurred years ago, but at the right moment they creep back up in your mind. Sometimes it is the conversation that you still get embarrassed over for the way you behaved. Other times it is the hurtful words of someone else directed at you that come to mind. Regardless of whether you were the deliverer or receiver of the harsh words, the fact is they were powerful enough to come to the surface years down the road. Usually, those memories also wash us in the same emotion as the day they were delivered.

Words have the power to break our spirit, but thankfully they also have the power to restore it. The question is are your daily words building up or breaking down the spirit of those around you?

Take a quick inventory of the conversations you had today. What did you say to your spouse, co-worker, boss, parent, friend, child? Would you have been embarrassed had someone else witnessed the exchange?

As you start your day tomorrow, make an effort to lift people up with your words. Remember your words have weight and the power to stick with the receiver for a lifetime.

Psalm 19:14 ESV 

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Eliminating Chaos In Your Life

Does anyone else out there get excited about getting organized? I'm a self-declared organization nerd.  I love drawer organizers, shelving systems, and the like. You might not be able to tell by looking at my garage or closet (or work desk) at the moment, but I drool at the closet organizing systems when I'm in home improvement stores. I can also get a little anal when my pantry gets out of sorts.

With the start of the new year, the organizing bug has kicked in. I'm all gung-ho about getting my house organized. First project,  . . .  the garage. I've been eyeing some shelving at Lowes's for a couple of months now, but knew I had to wait until football season concluded before I could get my husband on board with the project. (He doesn't get nearly as excited about home improvement projects as me.) I get pure giddy at the thought of getting the plastic tubs organized, labeled and placed neatly on the shelving unit. (Please note I already admitted earlier I'm a nerd.)

Because I know my fetish with organizing is not normal, I began thinking about exactly what it is about organization that brings me such joy. The answer, quite simply, is organization eliminates chaos. Think about it. When your closet is in order and you need that particular pair of cream pants, you can find them easily and it makes getting dressed for work a sinch. On the other hand, ever woke up late and scrambled to get ready when you have a closet of chaos? You find the pants and shirt you need, but you can't find the belt and you can only locate the right shoe of the pair that goes with the outfit. By the time you get to work, you are just daring someone to greet you with a cheerful "good morning".

So as a busy wife, mother, and professional, are there areas in your life where chaos elimination is long overdue? With the new year just getting started, now is the perfect time to conduct a chaos analysis.

My Personal Chaos Elimination
Since the birth of my daughter almost 18 months ago, I have found that I have to regularly do a chaos analysis. One area in particular that I've given a great deal of attention to has been my schedule. Because it is very important to me to spend as much time possible with my daughter in the evenings and on the weekends, I've had to take measures to eliminate some extracurricular activities that took my time and attention away from my family. As a result, I've learned it is okay to tell people "no" and found exercising the word is essential to keeping my stress level and mommy guilt to a minimum.

Eliminating chaos in my schedule has also required me to redefine my own expectations. I've learned that it is not the end of the world if the sink overflows with dishes from time to time. I've also found that when company comes over, it is okay to simply close the door to a room that is a little unkempt rather than kill myself to clean the house from top to bottom and lose the valuable play time I have with Aubrey.

What Chaos Can You Eliminate?
So with the the start of the new year, what steps can you take to eliminate the chaos and stress from your life? Is it as simple as picking out and ironing your clothes the night before to make your morning routine go a little smoother? Or will eliminating chaos require you to redefine the expectations you have for yourself or the expectations others have for you?

I'd love to hear how you've eliminated chaos in your life or what your goals are for stress elimination in 2011.

Happy New Year!