And the Wall Comes Crashing Down . . . How Do You Cope When Emotions Get the Best of You At Work?

We all have those days when we simply hit the wall and our limit has been reached. So what do you do when your resolve to not let them see you sweat (or worse cry) has been compromised?

I'm usually a very pulled together person. I can manage to keep my cool in most situations and wait until I'm alone to release my aggravation, frustration or disappointment. However, there are times when I've been caught off guard and despite my best efforts my wall has come crashing down.

In these situations, I don't loose my temper and say things I'll later regret, nope for me regardless of the emotion I'm feeling . . . anger, disappointment, frustration, defeat . . . it is my tears that I simply cannot control. When the tears surface, I have definitely reached my breaking point. Thankfully, I've only had a handful of moments at work where my wall has come crashing down, but I'd have much rather have had none! In fact when the tears surface, I get that much more frustrated with myself because I haven't been able to maintain my composure and I fear I'll be viewed as weak, incompetent, or fragile (especially by male co-workers & supervisors).

Over the years, I've learned to recognize when I'm close to my crashing point. It is usually pretty obvious to anyone who knows me and is the least bit perceptive. When the crash begins, I become incredibly introverted (even more so than my usual introverted self). I keep to myself, avoid interaction at all costs and plunge myself into a project. I take in very little around me and while I can appear to be listening to a conversation or presentation, I have a hard time processing anything and will have little to no reaction regardless of the information that has just been shared with me.

The reality is that at work, we are not afforded the luxury of pouting, throwing a fit, or having a meltdown. (Technically you CAN do any of these, but your professional reputation will forever be damaged.) Therefore, the only option is to be a trooper and get through the day. The meltdown or temper tantrum must wait for the car ride on the way home. So how do we get through the day when emotions continually try to take over?

Some things I've learned to do when I know I'm about to crash:

• Close my office door and take a few moments to process the situation free of distractions. This usually helps me view the situation from other points of view and not just my own. (If you don't have the luxury of an office door, go to the bathroom and try to compose yourself. You might want to take your make-up bag, just in case you need to touch up your face before heading back to your work station.)
• Take a short walk to clear my mind, even if it is just simply delivering a document to another office in the building.
• Vent to a trusted friend during lunch. 
• Distract myself with another task.
• Type out my frustrations just to get them out of my head and then delete the document.
• Take a Coke and candy bar break- chocolate and caffeine do help sometimes!
• Have a discussion with the other party. If the situation involves another individual, sit down with that person as soon as the emotions are in check to discuss the problem. It is easier to go ahead and deal with it than stew over it for days.

Now I know I'm not alone in my struggle to conquer workplace emotion, so I'd love to hear from you. How do your emotions surface?  What have you found helps you cope?

You May Label it Gossip, Someone Else May Label it Slander

There is a saying  . . . "Those who gossip with you will surely gossip about you."

Yes, we've all been guilty of it at one time or another. Knowing some interesting piece of information about someone else can sometimes just get the best of us. We think very little before passing the information on and in a split second we may have contributed to the heartache, pain or malicious slander of another.

When you hear the word gossip, do images of certain individuals pop up in your mind? Rarely do people think about the reputation they gain from being a gossip and the personal and professional damage they'll sustain from the reputation.

Those who have a reputation as a gossip will have a hard time gaining the trust of co-workers, leaders, and subordinates. Depending on the extent of their reptuation, it can also limit their ability to network in professional circles.

People have a fantastic ability to disguise gossip as concern, interest, and prayer requests. If a conversation contains any of the phrases below, a red flag should go up:

•  "She told me not to tell anyone, but I know you will keep it between us . . . " - if everyone who hears the news shares it with just one person, the news will be around town in no time

• "I have a hard time believing that [insert name here] would do something like that."- if it seems out of character then maybe you don't need to give merit to it by passing the information along, chances are it isn't the truth

• "Did you hear the latest about [insert name here]? Do you think it is true?" - True or not, you just planted the seed of possibility in another's mind. Depending upon the nature of the situation you may have just significantly hurt the reputation of the person you were gossiping about.

• "I know I can trust you not to say anything."

Those who have a reptuation as a gossip may feel some isolation. Once labeled a gossip, an individual will have a hard time finding a friend to go to lunch with, will receive few social invitations, and will find conversations with co-workers are limited to strictly business or superfluous weather discussions.

Give some thought to the information you choose to share with others. Even better, don't allow yourself to be in a position to hear gossip. Believe it or not, you can put a stop to gossip by calling people on it. If the information a person is about to share begins with some of the phrases above, stop the person before they share the information by telling them you'd rather not hear it. With a little repetition, you will find people no longer will seek you out to share information. It can be a beautiful thing!

Your Vocabulary Speaks Volumes . . . Think BEFORE You Speak or Type

(Warning: I'm climbing on my soapbox for this post.)

I am a communications major so word choice is something I tend to pay attention to. To me words are just as important as tone, it is not necessarily what you say but how you say it. Now, mind you, I'm not one of those that believes you have to use big words to communicate your thoughts, but I would prefer people start paying more attention to what their words communicate about them.

Lately, I've become purely disgusted with some of the word choices of people. Whether on Facebook or in a meeting or just in general conversation, I'm tired of people using words like "sucks", "pissed" and the like in everyday conversation and in professional settings no less. Yes, perhaps I'm old school at a ripe 31 years of age, but when did manners fly out the door?

There are a thousand words that can be used to communicate the same thoughts and feelings of the words in quotes above and allow the speaker to be perceived in a much more positive and respected manner. In case you're wondering, it is not okay to talk to your boss, co-workers or work associates like you would talk with your best friend. Some language is much too casual to be utilized in a work conversation or in your Facebook status (yes I went there).

I know Facebook is meant for you to interact with friends and contacts in a casual and relaxed setting, but keep in mind that when you post a status update you are sharing with the masses not just your best friend. Whether you accept it or not, people draw conclusions about you and make assumptions based on your posts. Make sure you are sharing your life with others in a way that makes others view you as smart, sensible, and respectable.

The words you choose to use communicates volumes. If you are one who regularly uses these words, I would encourage you to find some replacement words at least for when you are in a professional setting and posting for the entire world to see on Facebook.

Think of it in these terms, if you wouldn't use the words in a job interview then why use them in your open and public conversations?

Now that I've got that off my chest, I'll climb down off my soapbox.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Am I the only one who feels this way?