Eliminating Distractions and Sitting At His Feet

It has been four and half weeks since the birth of my second child. This time around I have been much more relaxed and have made sure to enjoy the time with our new little one rather than stressing about trying to do and keep everything perfect as I did with my first.

The time to go back to work is drawing very near and as I allow myself to think about it, my emotions start to bubble up. This time around is actually going to be more tough than the first. Harder perhaps because this will likely be my last little one and I think about the precious moments that will be lost. Harder because my passion and excitement for both work and community involvement have suffered substantially over the past few months and the thought of re-engaging is not appealing.

It is hard for me to admit that I've lost my excitement for work, because I work with some great and inspiring individuals and leaders. In fact, I had purposely decided not to write a post on this struggle and instead messaged a few close friends earlier today and asked them to pray with me about a renewed passion and personal vision for my work.  God had other plans though, because as I sat down to read an article tonight, my eyes were opened as to the real issue I needed to face and the need to share this with others as I'm sure some of you can relate.

The article I came across was about women balancing responsibilities and how Jesus shared with us the one item essential to finding balance- spending time at His feet. In the New Testament, we learn about two sisters, Martha and Mary. Martha was busy preparing for Jesus and the disciples and trying to make everything perfect (sound a little familiar). Mary, on the other hand, took every opportunity to enjoy the visit with Jesus and to listen to his teachings. When Martha complained to Jesus about Mary not helping her with the meal preparations, Jesus shared with Martha that what she did was appreciated, but what Mary did had eternal value.

This depiction of Martha is all too familiar to me. Martha allowed herself to be completely distracted from spending time with Jesus. Jesus was right there before her and she didn't take the time to sit at His feet and listen to the Master.  How often I allow myself to be distracted with the tasks that I need to get done that I don't take the time to sit with the Master to learn if those are even the tasks I need to be focused on.

Over the past few weeks I've been thinking that I needed to sit down and develop a life plan and determine where I can best utilize my gifts, when what I really need to do is get quiet and get before the One who has my life plan already written. I need to keep myself from being so busy and distracted with "doing" that I miss out on receiving the direction, wisdom and encouragement that He has waiting for me daily.

In the morning You hear my voice, O Lord; in the morning I prepare [a prayer, a sacrifice] for You and watch and wait [for You to speak to my heart]. ~ Psalm 5:3

Reacting When Our Corner of the Stage Gets Overlooked

Last night was our three year old daughter's first school performance. The class was going to sing two songs. She was so excited. She insisted on wearing her "sparkle dress" and wanted her hair curled. Her grandparents were coming to watch and she was excited about being on the "big stage".

As the time came for her class to move onto the platform it was clear by watching her she was confused. She kept her back to the audience as she watched her teacher place several of her classmates in their place. Once the teacher exited the stage, Aubrey tried to get the teacher's attention, but the music started and the singing began.

I watched as I saw Aubrey wipe her eyes. I knew she was upset, but what could I do. I thought maybe she simply couldn't find mom and dad in the audience so I moved closer so she could see me. She bolted off the stage to a teacher seated on the front row and cried. The teacher consoled her and finally talked her into going back on the stage for the second song. She simply sat by the teacher on stage and didn't sing or do the motions.

After the song was over the other kids went and sat back down with her class. However, I knew how upset she was, so I simply grabbed her by the hand and led her back to where we were sitting. She promptly stated she wanted her papa and she buried her head in his chest and cried. My heart sank. At this point I was still thinking she just had a case of stage fright, we've all experienced it before.

When she finally got to where she could talk she said, "Mommy, my teacher didn't put me in my spot. She put everyone else in their spot, but I got left out. I didn't have any tape to stand on."

The mind of a three year old is complex and each child is different. While her classmates were simply enjoying the music and singing, Aubrey was worried about being in the right place.

It certainly wasn't the teacher's intention to not place Aubrey on her spot. She wanted each one of her students to perform to the best of their ability and have a great time.

Aubrey had practiced so hard and was so excited to have her moment on stage, but a little confusion at the beginning had completely set the event on a different course.

As the program concluded and we got ready to leave, Aubrey again said, "But mommy they didn't put me in my spot." She was clearly upset and I asked her if she wanted to go talk to her teacher, "yes!". She scrambled out of her papa's arms and held my hand as we made our way to the teacher. Aubrey promptly walked up to her teacher, tugged on her pants leg and said, "Hey! You put me in the wrong spot."

(I cringed a little as I heard the words come out of her mouth. Not the most eloquent declaration, but straight from the hurt of a three year old's heart.)

The teacher's response was, "I didn't put you in the wrong spot, you got in the wrong spot." I was shocked that there was no consoling, no apology . . . nothing but a "it wasn't my fault it was yours" to a three year old that was hurt. (I had to keep my mommy mojo in check at this point.)

However, regardless of the response. I was very proud of my three year old for expressing her heart to her teacher. It is an action I will continue to encourage as I want her to develop assertiveness, something I have always struggled with. As a southern woman, we're often taught socially to be more reserved at expressing our opinions. I agree there are times when this certainly is the case. However, when you're conditioned in this manner it also makes it more difficult to begin to assert one's self when the occassion does demand it. I'm not referring to merely stating one's opinion, but the ability to logically reason and build a case to support it.

The moment does, however, bring to light how emotions can sometimes cloud or muddy what it is we really want to say and initiates a defensive response from another party.

In the grand scheme of life, this is one small performance that will be forgotten in time. It was no one's intent for anyone's feelings to get hurt. In fact, everyone desired to have a wonderful celebratory time, but as so often is the case we get busy trying to take care of business and someone gets lost in the shuffle.

In these instances, one has to look at the intent and past experiences. I know from having talked and observed Aubrey's teacher in the past that she truly loves my daughter and wants to see her blossom and grow. She would never intentionally cause her pain- physical or emotional. I also know that keeping up with several little ones is a handful and just keeping them all accounted for is a task. Likewise, Aubrey wanted nothing more than to do what she had practiced for weeks- sing and dance from her little spot of the stage, not just any spot on the stage- her spot, but she needed help finding it.

I could have gone into mama bear mode when the teacher responded in the manner she did, but what would it have accomplished . . . more hurt, more confusion for a three year old, and ultimately more damage to undo.

Instead as I put my daughter to bed, I told her how proud her daddy and I were of her for being brave enough to share with the teacher how she felt.(I may regret this at times when she is a teenager, but it is par for the course.) I told her next time not to worry about where she was on that stage, but to boldly sing and move from the spot she was in. I also encouraged her to love her teacher because we all make mistakes.

Having to coach my little one through this moment, made me re-examine this issue in myself. It is so easy to conceive someone's intent was negative rather than think that perhaps it simply was miscommunication, misinterpretation or a mistake pure and simple. Rather than react because our little spot of the stage was overlooked, perhaps we take the time to examine what we know to be true and consistent about an individual's intent and move forward with that in mind.

Additionally, my three year old put no thought into the incident of last night this morning.  She had put it behind her and was ready to experience another day at school. How often as adults we need to do the same thing . . . put the issue behind us and move on, rather than harbor and massage those feelings of hurt.

I know this is the first of many learning moments in parenting. I have a feeling as I continue to try to teach my daughter that I'll be learning just as much, if not more, from each experience valuable lessons that I too can apply to everyday life.

Self-Preservation: Find Your Happy Place And Go There Often

Last week I was ill, overexhausted and just over everything. The time change was  probably part of it, my body trying to adjust, but there was no one event that led to my attitude it was a build up of multiple things.

Work has been incredibly busy the last few months, we were leading up to a big event so there was the anticipation of it looming. Aubrey has been in a toddler tantrum phase off and on the last couple of months. (We think she is cutting her molars, but I think many of the tantrums are due to her not knowing how to cope with not getting her way.)  In addition to the tantrums, she was incredibly clingy last week and only wanted mommy to do things for her. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her having a meltdown. So, needless to say, I had finally reached my breaking point. I could feel the tension and stress building inside, but I couldn't see an end in sight. I knew what I needed, I needed a break. I needed a few hours of solitude, but I didn't know when in the world I was going to find it and I felt a little guilty for even needing it.

Everyone has their own way of destressing. For me, an introvert, I get rejuvenated when I can have some time to myself. As a mom, however, that time is few and far between. My solitude time used to be when I was getting a shower, but even those get interrupted now by the pitter patter of little feet on the tile bathroom floor in the early morning. The shower door flings open letting the cold air into my little sauna and I see a little blur stripping off her pajamas and declaring, "I want to get a shower too mommy". Alas, where do I find a little me time.

It is amazing how God places little events in your life that bring clarity. Last week as I was in my stressed and tired state of being, everyone around me could see it. My co-workers and family made comments letting me know they could see my fatigue (they politely left out the stressed part, but I knew what they meant).  By the time the end of week approached, both my family and co-workers could tell I had reached my limit. I knew I had to change my attitude, but I didn't know how. Luckily for me, my attitude intervention came in the unlikeliest of places  . . . a home improvement store. Yes, that is right.

One of the projects at work last week was the re-painting of the conference room. I love to paint, so I had volunteered to organize the work. After lunch, my boss, a colleague and I headed off to get the needed paint supplies. I was in my element. I knew what was needed. I was excited about the project and the outcome, so my spirits were immediately lifted. Painting to me is therapeautic because you are transforming something- a room, a piece of furniture. You're giving it new life. Just getting the project organized transformed my attitude. I remarked to my co-workers that if they see me in an ill mood for them to suggest I make a trip to Lowe's on my lunch hour and I meant it.

If a simple trip to a home improvement store where I could imagine the possibilities of a project, focus on a tangible project with immediate results, and be a little creative had the ability to completely change my attitude, then it is definitely something I need to be aware of. It may sound silly, but if that little 30 minute trip can lift my spirits and get me out of a funk then it is worth it.

Our attitudes and frame of mind affect the people around us. If we're aware we have a bad attitude, it is up to us to turn it around. We often know what events, people, and circumstances can trigger our negative reactions, but have you taken the time to discover those items that evoke positive reactions in you? 

Your happy trigger may be reading a good book, watching a movie, going for a walk, taking a drive on the backroads, listening to music, or visiting with a good friend. Regardless of the activity, it is important to make sure that we know those happy triggers and we take care to weave them into our lives often. It is what keeps us sane and able to juggle all of the many responsiblities we have. It keeps us in the right frame of mind.

So to keep from reaching your breaking point, find your happy triggers whatever they may be and make them a part of your life . . . weekly. It isn't selfish, it is in fact self-preservation. One of our biggest jobs as a mom is taking care of ourself so we can take care of everyone else.

Okay, so I've shared with you that one of my happy triggers is a short-term project that allows me to be a little creative and hands-on. Now I want to hear from you! What are your happy triggers?

Reclaiming Your Skills, Talents and Abilities and Restoring Your Purpose

One of my favorite hobbies is refinishing furniture. I love to find a piece that someone else has deemed no longer worthy of occupying their space and restoring its purpose.

While working on my most recent piece, a 1940s vanity, I couldn't help but wonder what a prized piece of furniture it must have been in its prime. When did it begin to lose its luster in the eyes of its owner? At what point was it determined the value was no more?

When I discovered the vanity, it was a little scuffed and scratched, but was structurally sound. It could still serve its main purpose in its current state, it just didn't offer the shiny, "pretty" exterior it once did.

As I sanded and painted and gave the piece the exterior treatment I wanted to make it perfect for my intended purpose, I couldn't help but think how this piece represents so many people. Do you know anyone who possesses talents, skills or abilities that they somewhere along the way lost sight of? Not regularly exercising those abilities, led to those skills being forgotten about and no longer valued by their possessor. As a result, the individual with those talents began to forget about their own personal value and worth.

As a follower of Christ, I know I have been blessed with talents, skills and abilities that have been uniquely gifted to me. We each have been uniquely gifted. We may not always recognize the value of the gifts we possess, but to the friend, co-worker or partner who lacks those same gifts the talent is priceless.  Don't let your God-given talents, skills and abilities become unclaimed property. Reclaim it and use those skills so that all those around you have an opportunity to see how God has equipped you. You'll not only feel more value in knowing you are being used for your intended unique purpose, but you'll also be viewed as more valuable by others.

Romans 12: 3 - 8

For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each of you. Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. According to the grace given to us, we have different gifts: If prophecy, use it according to the standard of one's faith; if service, in service; if teaching, in teaching; if exhorting, in exhortation; giving, with generosity; leading, with diligence; showing mercy, with cheerfulness.

Stop Reacting and Be Proactive

As a busy woman have you ever had those moments when you dive head first into a big 'ole pity party? You're running around in circles doing everything for everyone (or so you feel) and you start telling yourself how unappreciated you are, how much you've given up for everyone else, and start ticking off all of the personal interests you once had but somehow allowed to fall by the wayside.

Sure everyone feels undervalued from time to time, but how can we place blame on someone else for putting ourselves on the backburner?

For most of us who are moms, wives and professional women we've had to develop some organizational skills to manage our schedules and keep life in some sort of organized state. We make shopping lists, organize household projects and keep multiple calendars. We know how to plan a family trip months, if not years, in advance, but for some reason when it comes to being disciplined in identifying and working towards goals that make us feel valued we've learned to play the martyr card rather than take charge of ourself.

So why don't we take the time to pursue our passions? Isn't it true that if we aren't addressing and taking care of our own needs it is really hard to properly care for the needs of others?

In an attempt at support and solidarity, we often encourage one another to "take a day for ourselves". For most of us, than translates to a shopping trip, mani/pedi day, or a day at the beach. These days certainly can be helpful for temporary sanity, but they really don't address the problem-- we're not taking the time to really focus on what we want to accomplish so we're not moving forward. After taking a day for ourself, we're simply right back to treading along in the day-to-day routine.

Today I ran across a website than I think can help each one of us stop reacting and be proactive about laying out our life plan-- identifying our personal goals and dreams and developing a plan to achieve them. Author, speaker and publisher Michael Hyatt has a fantastic website and blog with tons of resources for developing your life plan. You can even download his life plan book for free upon signing up for his newsletter. The book gives templates for developing your very own life plan. It is an easy read. I read it on my lunch hour. I highly encourage you to check out his website and the book at http://michaelhyatt.com/.

Let me know what you think once you've read the book. I've got some friends I'm going to challenge to develop a life plan of their own and some that I'm going to ask to hold me accountable for regularly reviewing, revising and most importantly working to achieve the life plan I develop.

Cozi App: The Mom Must Have

Alright ladies, I found such a fabulous tool that I had to share it. Whether you are a tech savvy gal or not, this is one application you will want to check out. Cozi is a household planner tool you do not want to be without. You can download the ipad app, smart phone app, or utilize your home computer to access this wonderful dashboard to keep you and your household on track.

What you'll find?

• Shared calendars where you and members of your household can add events. You can schedule automatic reminders to be sent to any member of your household in the form of a text message or email. (That's right the husband will not be able to forget he was suppose to pick up Johnny after practice.) Each family member gets a color code so you can easily see and account for each individual's activities.
• Shared to do lists, personal to-do lists
• Grocery lists
• Meal planning resources
• Coupons
• Recipes
• All kinds of checklists that are helpful to make sure you've addressed all the necessaries
• Cleaning schedules to help you keep your household in tip top shape and in a cleanly state (Mom- the FlyLady Schedules are all on there.)

Alright, what are you waiting for? Go download the Cozi app or access it on your computer. I'm telling you it is fabulous . . . and did I mention that it is FREE!

The Infamous Phrase: I Don't Care What People Think

Ever received the "I don't care what people think" response from a friend or loved one. I have come to determine this statement is one of the most selfish, close-minded, and ignorant (meant in the most loving way) responses from an individual. I also believe it reveals a number of insecurities and lack of maturity on the part of the declarer.
While an individual may make the bold statement they "don't care" the reality is they better care and they better care a whole lot, because what people think can have a significant impact on the steps that will determine their success.

Whether a teenager or adult, mature individuals will base their perception of you on their observations of you, not on the gossip they hear from someone else or any ill supported conclusion they may draw. Certainly there will always be those lame people who make assumptions about you based on little to no knowledge or on the gossip they hear through the grapevine. These people you can't control and you shouldn't be worried about what they think because they're shallow and typically have little to no power to influence others.

The majority of the population, however, does have an incredible amount of power to help or hinder you in achieving your goals. In the real world, references hold a lot of weight with admissions officers at universities and with potential employers. If you're like me, upon reaching adulthood you're either required to seek acceptance at a higher learning institution or look for gainful employment, or as most of us had to do- both. Securing a good job with upward mobility and benefits or acceptance at a college can be exponentially harder to attain without strong references. If you've lived life up until this point with the notion that you don't care what people think, then you've likely made some choices that may not generate great referrals.

Another reason to "care" is due to our reliance on other individuals.  Maintaining relationships is essential to our daily existence. The co-workers, vendors, classmates, teachers, bosses, and friends we encounter each day all play a role in our lives. The interactions you have with these individuals can make your day positive or negative. While you may live in a delusional world in which you think you alone determine your success, in actuality we must rely on other people day-in and day-out. We work on projects with co-workers and classmates that can impact our educational and professional achievements.  Teachers and bosses have the power to help us progress or stop our advancement all together. Relationships can propel us forward if they are positive and based on mutual respect. Therefore, it should matter a whole lot what the people who interact and observe you on a daily basis think about you.

The mindset of not caring what people think can also stifle your ability to learn. If you're not willing to listen to another's perspective, then you will forever live in a very small world of your own ideas and thoughts. You'll have a very difficult time connecting with others and building valuable relationships.

Finally, the statement "I don't care " is incredibly selfish. Our actions don't just reflect upon us, they reflect upon our family, employers, friends, and organizations we're involved in. To flippantly declare you don't care what people think of you is to declare you have no respect for the people who raised you, the people who sign-off on your paycheck every week,  the people who have chosen to care about you, or the causes you say you care about.

There are plenty more reasons to care what people think, but I think I've touched on the highlights that have the greatest potential to either propel you forward or leave you stagnant.

If you're a person who regularly declares "you don't care" give the points in this blog a little thought, then try caring and see if you find life to be a little easier when you make smart choices based on the knowledge that people form their opinions about you based on your actions and behaviors. I'd love to hear what you discover.